still waiting for you..
Friday, April 20, 2007
9:53 PM
discover the secrets within, know it all thoroughly, good or bad you decide, kind or evil you view, normal or ugly you think, opptimistic or pessismistic dependable, wild or quiet relies the mood, attitude or sad you feel, caring or neglecting see how is treated, friend or foe we decide, partners or lovers let nature take its course, parents or siblings fated to b with, presents or rubbish still grateful for it, acting or real you can see, advice or crap accepts it, enjoy or suffer still unsure, nerd or a baddie both are not, hate or like both does involves, bare it or spoil it in our hands, future or the past equally important...just to tell you if you are blur, the summary has just ended.
what is said is nv better than what is done.say to forget but nv does, always there in the heart. not to b sad but always is. say to give up but nv succeeds. try to love but fail to do so, every step taken, is a failure. sucess does not belongs. it is difficult for the courage. for nature to take its course, it is diffcult to wait. patient there is a limit, one day it wears off. what to do? dun ask cox there is no answer till it really happens. all that can b done now is to change the focus to burn off the time. let time make him disappear in the mind. hopes it succeeds, cox failure always chases after.hide the feelings, not easy. spill it out, embarassment. ask directly, afraid to get hurt. cant stand the torment, can't do anything...some1 help...b4 it sinks to the bottom nv able to catch bak again.
failure is difficult to overcome with...it hurts to face the fact of failure but it takes time to motivate for moving forward.
i m who i m like me or notits your problem i speak the truth i nv lifebelieve it or notup to youfriends or foepartners or loversyou decide
still waiting for you..
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
11:23 PM
frustrated,denying,hiding the truth it is terrible in fact horrible...unable to face it with courage...no source of courage to face all tish...wonder when to face it courageously without the fear of being hurt...wish to face it all calmly but life is nv easy...every process tat passes r difficult and relieving...tish problem is not easy to take up...shld it b dispose off the mind dispose it off my life...can't say it out...can't face the person wat else is there coming up...give him up is all i can say i tink...
stress...useless mistakes are unreversible...unerasable it marks the scar in life...try harder and harder you can't rub it off...it remains there like a hurtful scar nv to b forgetten...just like a torment in the life...healing...it takes years...forget it is never...keep away from the horrible creature n peace will b urs torment will nv b urs...
numb...is all the feelings...poke me with the sharp and cold needle i feel nth the tings around seems motionless and are silent...stab mi with the knife rite through the heart...it bleeds non-stop but it feels no pain...numbed to the tings...all the past numbs the future...
silence does not means consent...it means giving up hopes...it means being alone...one person...pitch black surrounding you...gnawing into ur brain...making you live in the world of fantasy...real life eaten up...wake up...but you want to go bak...but the painful truth you nv get bak you stay wide awake in the real world experiencing the torment of love, friendship, stress and wat else...burying you...suffocate you till you are unable to breathe
still waiting for you..
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
9:57 PM
weird feeling!
haix...dunno since aft sch i keep habing tish weird feeling like fall out of love like tat so xin ku lor feel like saying shoo shoo get lost...then it made me feel so down the whole day lor spoilt my mood then i nv do even a single homewk till now.tish few times keep like tat making me slack le die die !!!haix the funny ting is how to feel fall out of love when in the first place i not in love lame rite lols
hahas nvm i tink this is the symtoms emo kid anyw today sock le keep using my nails to make markings on my hand then now got so damn many markings on the hand ahhas emo kid really
still waiting for you..
Sunday, April 15, 2007
6:04 PM
to: shuqun band
it will be your big day tml
i hope you all can do the best
and make mr er proud
no matter what the result is
you all hab done ur best
so JIAYOU shuqun
i believe you all can do it
that's all for now i hab nth to say here
recuperating
still waiting for you..
Thursday, April 12, 2007
8:48 PM
feelings:
grateful for those who had console me(thnx)
regretted for not getting the GOLD
hate myself for being a failure
remorseful for being a harmful treat
guilty for the mistakes
foolish to cry non-stop
idiotic for not making the best
i feel so down now...i shall not elaborate words cannot explain how i feel i really feel veri heartpain i noe it is all my fault i have trash it all i really dunno how to face you all i noe some might have not blame me but i cannot stop myself from blaming my ownself i hope i can get over it but it is difficult becox it was all my fault i noe cant do anything to change it all i jus wan to apologise i noe it is of no use now but i hope u all accept the apology but i dun expect ur forgiveness it is my last year yet i still such a failure i feel sorry for wasting my seniors effort i want to thank all the seniors whether they like or dislike me i have great gratitude towards them and i can say i feel proud to b ur junior but i tink u will say u do not feel proud habing such a useless junior...i dunno what i can do or say i hope times travels back i hope i was not in there mayb u all might b able to strike i m the one in fault.Sorry pple.i feel very remorse seeing u all sad i hope i can do something to make you all feel better but i dunno what i can do.Sorry!
still waiting for you..
Saturday, April 7, 2007
7:01 PM
sighs...today is a veri bad day. i veri kuku malu lor. something is veri wrong with me the more i practice the more worst i get i really beyond help lor.i really want to help the band and not pull the band down...conclusion is that i am a bad malletist...dunno wat is the solution that can sure this stupid thingy!i broke down twice today stupid. one time during the morning for sectional i was play play then pek chek like angry with myself why cannot play well then broke down...find myself stupid crying over such thing.
go lucnch then calmed down then came bck that time better le was alright le...can le but then when we combine was like shit. mr er came then told us to listen to the recording then i was like stupidly freakingly dumb dumb lor...i played very badly either rush or either slow down haix...i duno y.then mr er was veri angry but i was like i really also want to do well but my hands just dun wan ! then in the evening play through jalan jalan then got scolded by mr er for playing too loud then dunno y the tears started to drop out again then cried infront of the whole band so stupid crying over minor things today.i felt so stupid then the worst thing is i cry none stop cry n cry n cry just cannot stop. stupid i tell u i felt like slapping myself that instance!
fiona you better buck up
if not prepare to b a loser
better not give up
better do ur best
if not u are equaivalent
to a failure
still waiting for you..
Thursday, April 5, 2007
8:57 PM
STRESS!!!!!!
sighs...tish few days got hardly any time to spare for any entertainment.especially when SYF is near! yesterday the worst lor...i noe not suppose to complaint but y alwayx people like to do some last minute changes and last minute informing!!!!actually can hab more time to study for bio one lor...thnx to someone that we hab a a maths test!!!!then the school now veri strict but bio teacher sabo lei say the paper easy when it is so difficult haix get 20 out of 40 got 70 percent confident can get but get 35 *faints*!!!still got a stack of work waiting for me to do tish few days and time is so tight and still got so many test nx week i m really suffocating among these piles of workload!everytime we always kana scolded for not managing our time i hope the teachers and our family can understand lor...sometime is not we dun wan to manage time is that we really have not enough time we hab to eat we need sleep we nid to bathe all tish are part of the time taken up...the teachers and our family also busy lor then i tink should noe how we feel lei!!! then the previous a maths test the logarithms and exponential was quite tough prepare to fail and get scolding from the teacher lor...sure ask if got study one a not! haix..now go home my time table is eat, bathe, homewk, more homewk, revision and sleep no life at all...but i have to perservere got what choice study nowadays so important!
nx week got like thousands of thins got good friday like dun hab but i dun mind sacrificing it for band cox SYF really important so must try to finish!!!my e maths test so far minus 2 marks le i think gone case as well dun bother so much le lar all i can do now is to do weel in mid year n pull myself up...i can do nth but always feed myself with the spoon of positive substance! but i tink cannot stand any further goin to burst soon so stress!!! test test test thats all i noe i hab to do nx week!!! arghhh! chemistry ST , chinese test wow the following week still got physics arghhh then chemistry test on 7 chaps some more!!!!can die!yao wo ming!
haiyo how i wish now got a long break for us! then worst thing we are missing 2 lessons of physics tish week and nx actualy no nid miss on fri one lor thnx to sports day!!!! then worst we cannot go late wat the hell!!! miss and miss how to not get bad results then still 8 subs but it is honour to hab the ability to get 8 subs but haiyo got so many things that time luckily not near SYF yet but also got alot of enrichment almost drive me mad i one day can have jap class, piano class, debate enrichment i not ding dong also cannot lar!!!
fiona you have to stay on
must persevere i think
you can do it!!!
lols...the preparations for the water activities (joel,averyl) 
